Give me food and I will live. Give me water and I will die. What am I?

What are two things you can never eat for breakfast?

What invention allows you to look right through a wall?

The more you take away, the bigger it becomes. What is it?

What can you catch but not throw?

What is easy to get into, but hard to get out of?

What has a thumb and four fingers but is not alive?

I’m full of keys but I can’t open any door. What am I?

What gets wetter the more it dries?

What belongs to you but is used more by others?

(fire, lunch and dinner, window, a hole, a cold, trouble, a glove, a piano, a towel, your name)


Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!

Why did the girl throw a stick of butter out the window? Because she wanted to see a butterfly!

Were you long in the hospital? No, I was the same size as I am now.

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places.

What kind of key opens a banana? A mon-key.

Why is Cinderella bad at football? Because she is always running away from the ball.

Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies!

What kind of room doesn’t have doors? A mushroom.

What animal can you always find at a baseball game? A bat.

What type of music are balloons scared of? Pop music.

What state has a lot of cats and dogs? Petsylvania.

What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!

Jokes about school

What is the smartest state? Alabama because it has four A’s and one B.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it would be a piece of cake.

Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems!

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Student: I didn’t even know it was sick.

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights.

Why aren’t you doing well in history? Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born.

What is the fruitiest subject in school? History, because it’s full of dates.

What did zero say to eight? Nice belt.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because her class was so bright.

Teacher: Didn’t I tell you to stand at the end of the line. Student: I tried but there was someone already there!